I am getting old and can not remember the details,
but can still feel the essence.
Yes, I am a bad, very bad dog,
took it selfishly with me, last time we touched.
When I said that I do not need it, I have lied!
What I really meant was: “I need some time.”
But now, we can not talk about anything
because the time measures with miles.
Although, the messy truth is even worse
if I ever see you again I do not know what to say.
Blinded, with lips sealed because of people’s deceiving distractions.
Hopefully, touch will not disappoint all my cliches.
Thoughts entwine with a glittering silver net
and tangle with golden transparent sunlight.
Paths carved within are lost a long time ago
turning me back at the beginning of another end.
Yet another reckless thought and I will collapse,
like a broken old pillar with Jason’s statue on top
and stay there forever wrecked,
belonging nowhere like Uluru itself.
Disgusting to the ones that do not see nor understand
the pile of used rock and stone,
It is just a graveyard of weakening thoughts for them
but it can show and reveal so much more. Intensively!
Hardened man dies as same as weak one.
Maybe just the struggle is much longer and the pain is bigger.
The unpronounceable word for distinguished ones,
although just another dead body that hanged itself.
Putrefied, still rich like a child with all the world’s imagination
I can not predict anything.
Maybe sometimes the weather
because of the killing pain in my back and knee.
Presence at present will talk for itself,
the longtime blinded will see again
and deaf will hear and speak once more.
A mother relentlessly tries to explain incomprehensible things.
Her child cries and laughs at the same time,
wants to run away, however, stays on the spot.
Touching every single thing yet later puts everything in its mouth.
Maybe I should shut mine now!
Since I do not speak the beautiful language of yours
and let myself get lost in those dreamy lakes,
looking at me exquisitely and confusingly.
Or, maybe I should step off before pain makes
another squat and sadistically jumps all over me,
because I can not speak out loud enough
since we are so distanced apart.
I am getting anxious more and more,
looking for excuses and stupid reasons
for countless questions in my disillusioned head
without proper answers for my lost heart.
Closer to the end yet how big should the step be,
to conquer this destined distance
between “what if…” or “…finally”?
Just one “Fear” away.
Sea with distanced shore and endless grains of sand
that flee through my fingers and disappear
like running thoughts and escaping dreams.
Sun gazes and reflects rais widely scattering them around.
I could abuse some loving words and try to seduce you with something that I am not at all.
Anyway, the way I am… it is called: “Honest!”
Resembling a long time fallen, naive martyr,
and yet probably doing wrong nowadays.
Wrong because all written should be about you
but I do not know you, maybe a few shattered scraps and glitches,
discern bolides on molded evening skies.
Oh, but there are so many answers. About me. Petrifying!
And probably I will make you just run out of my life,
like every human being curious enough
to touch killing glossy fire within these sentences
that spread like the incurable disease.
Infected with all my confused arguments and stressed thoughts
wandering through the thick forest of feelings and darkened clouds of irrational and absurd,
dispersed all over my weakened body and torn soul.
Lost in translation.
Actually, there is a road up to the sky, I know.
It stretches with kindness in miles
but must I need to grow new seed and start to enjoy that kind of life?
I should be more positive, people say,
but within these boundaries of the world, we live in!?
I do not know,… Smile at me now, my Dear,
show the new kind of unknown to me.
…in these melded moments we are left with.